Danna felt bitterness towards her ex-husband Bill, and at times she felt pure unbridled hate towards him. Bill had left Danna for another woman. This is the aged old story of the betrayal of a husband, seeking a younger woman and abandonment of his family. Although Danna had been a good wife and mother, she could not seem to get back on her feet after the divorce. Her anger had turned into raging bitterness.
Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance or displeasure or hostility. Anger is a warning that needs attention. If we ignore, mistrust, reject, and deny this warning device within us, our resentment can get out of control and become sinful. Are angry feelings best released in an explosive outburst or quietly suppressed? This debate continues in medical circles.
Blowing your top can be far more damaging than keeping your cool. People who are in the habit of ‘blowing their top’ usually over express their anger and blow things out of proportion. This burning obsession results when the natural course of expressing anger is cut off and suppressed. Wrath is a fiery emotion that is a wildfire burning out of control is physically experienced, and it requires a physical release. It is intended on destruction and the overwhelming need is its own immediate release.
Repressed anger can lead to health issues as well. By turning this outrage inward onto oneself, illness and self inflicted pain will began to boil to the point of overflowing into physical and psychological destruction. Research suggests that repressed anger contributes to gastrointestinal, respiratory, circulatory, headache, depression, and skin disorders.
What is the answer in dealing with anger? Is hatefulness in itself wrong?
Exasperation in and of itself is not wrong. Anger becomes wrong when it is nurtured and held onto. Furriery becomes wrong when it controls us instead of us controlling it.
The ‘cool reflective’ approach is one way to deal with impatience. This approach is one that works in a balanced way. Both parties should calm down first, then discuss the conflict reasonably. If you can get at the problem, you can solve the conflict.
Holding on to your grievance can cause you to have symptoms of:
- elevated blood pressure
- increased heart rate
- tense muscles
- heart attack
- stroke
- hives
- asthma
- ulcers
- migraines
- low back pain or neck pain
- shortened life expectancy
- brain fog
Points to remember:
- Releasing is an act of the will. It begins in your head, not in your emotions. It is a conscious decision.
- Whenever angry thoughts emerge, you should stop them immediately and remind yourself that you are forgiving that person.
- Showing mercy is a growth process, not an instantaneous experience. Remember, Father God shows you mercy every single day of your life. He expects us to do the same for those people we are in conflict with.
- Eventually the heart catches up with the head and the release is complete. It becomes a dead memory.
- Forgiveness is giving up your right to get even.
Do you want to stay trapped in the past? Really? Do you? Bitterness can make one so self-protective that you view the entire world through a cynical eye, avoiding opportunities and relationships that could be fulfilling for you. Do you want to live behind a wall of hate that you have imprisoned yourself behind? By dwelling on the past hurt, you are doing just that, living in the past. In reality, you are not living at all, because there is no life in the past. You are just going through the motions of living and missing out on the wonders of being in the present. By prolonging your pain, you are holding yourself back from moving forward in living and you are blinding yourself of the opportunity that is standing right in front of you.
We are taught in (EPH 4:32) “AND BE YE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER, TENDERHEARTED, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, EVEN AS GOD FOR CHRIST’S SAKE HATH FORGIVEN YOU.”
Can you do that for yourself? Can you show yourself kindness and forgiveness? Hand the bitterness over to Father. Until you do, you will continue to have the sour taste of bitterness in your mouth. Clean the bitter aftertaste from your mouth with the cleansing freshness of forgiveness. Let go and hand this bitter plate of self destruction over to your Savior. Do not wait! Do not delay! Do it right now! Hand it over to the one who will happily take this burden from you.