“I just bought the cutest pair of shoes! However, I really don’t need them since I already have 75 pairs of shoes. But, they are so cute!”
“My new camera just came in! It has many features that are really cool! I may not use some of the features, but what the heck?”
“I just got my credit card statement. My toys amount to $20,000.00 in debt!”
Spending out of control
Often times people find themselves compulsive buying. The closets are filled with gadgets and clothes that are not used or worn. Before they know it, the spending is out of control. How did this happen? Debt is mounted up to the size of a mountain.
However, we find spending and buying doesn’t satisfy us. The more we buy and spend, the more stressed one becomes from the accumulation of debt.
Eating disorders
“I’ve gained 5 more pounds! What’s going on? I don’t eat that much!”
“I binge eat and then I throw up what I ate to keep from gaining weight.”
“I’m refusing to eat! I’m not going to gain weight!”
The empty spot
How does over spending and eating disorders have anything in common? For instance, one has to do with money and the other with food. There is no common connection between the two!
But, there is a common ground. In addition, I will not only show you the commonality between them, but I will show you the root cause.
Psychologist have long known that when people overspend or have an eating disorder, they are trying to fill up an empty space within. What is this empty space? Above all, what causes it?
Emotional emptiness
Mankind is not good at recognizing our emotions. It’s hard to admit to oneself that there is a ‘lacking’ within. For instance, we don’t always realize that there is a feeling of meaningless in our life. To admit that there is an unoccupied space within us, would be admitting that there is something wrong in our existence.
If there is a feeling of disconnect, then something has to be wrong with me. I’m unworthy and unimportant to others. I feel alone and my life is pointless.
In addition to feeling lonely and unimportant, one doesn’t know how to deal with these feelings. So, subconsciously you begin to try to fill the emptiness with things. If I buy those shoes, I will feel better about myself. That high powered camera will give me new opportunities. It doesn’t matter that in reality, we have no idea about photographic techniques.
The same applies to eating disorders. When you overeat, the need is to fill up that vacant space within. If binge eating is the problem, one is wanting to fill up the space and throw out the space at the same time. In addition, the anorexic is trying to kill or starve the pointless sensation they feel on the inside.
What is the emptiness?
Psychology tells us that the vacancy within has many different causes. While this is true, the root cause can be traced to loneliness.
Loneliness is defined as sadness because one has no friends or company. In addition, it also means the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation. Remember, isolation doesn’t have to be in the geographical remoteness.
Loneliness is an emotionally painful sensation. Often it’s associated with an unwanted feeling of not being connected to others or a lack of intimacy.
Keep in mind that one can be lonely in a crowded room. When you do not feel a part of the group or connected emotionally to others, it does not matter if you’re with other individuals or not.
Signs of loneliness
- You Have Been Shopping A Lot
- Binge-Watching
- You’re Not Feeling Rested
- One Takes A Lot Of Long, Hot Showers And Baths
- You Sleep A Lot Or Not Well At All
- We Feel Symptoms Of Depression Coming On
What can you do about being lonely?
- Realize That Loneliness Is Actually A Feeling.
- Realize That You Are Not Alone. Other People Feel The Same Way.
- Get Involved In Some Activities.
- Get A Pet. Remember, That Pet Takes Work. Be Responsible.
- Find A Support Group.
- Call Or Get Together With Those You Know. Reach OUt.
- Be In The Present Moment.
- Be Kind To Yourself and Others.
Conclusion
Why have I written about loneliness? These are difficult times. In addition, one finds that the quarantine we find ourselves in right now is hard to deal with. Not only have we been mandated to be in quarantine, but society is experiencing prolonged isolation. We have become a faceless community by being forced to wear mask when in public. (I’m not debating the right or wrong of wearing mask.)
The psychological implications are many during this time of isolation. Subconsciously, we don’t have the sense of trust when we’re not able to see the faces of the people being interacted with. Depression and suicide is more of a problem.
In addition, when an infant can’t see the faces of the people caring for them, they smile less and they don’t interact as much.
In conclusion, recognizing the emptiness within gives you better insight into your emotional make-up. Deal with the vacancy deep within and you will have a better outlook on life.
Remember, this too shall pass!
Check out my book, Guilty Prayers by Janet Lynas, Ph.D., N.H.D. For more information on my book look under the announcement section.