My great aunt who was 90 liked to tell a story about her husband and his hearing problems. She asked her husband one night if he wanted steak for dinner. He responded with, “I’m not sure if I want sex tonight.”
Women often think as they get older, that they don’t need to have sex or are told that older women don’t need sex. Why would you deprive yourself of a natural desire?
First and for most: Age does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Older people who are sexually active are at risk for syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydial infection, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts, and trichomoniasis.
People who are sexually active, no matter their age, may also be at risk of being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In fact, the number of older people with HIV/AIDS is growing. You are at risk for HIV/AIDS if you or your partner has more than one sexual partner, if you are having unprotected sex, or if either you or your partner is sharing needles.
Having said this, let’s talk about sex within a stable relationship. Intimacy is important to everyone. Humans need touch, the desire to be connected, we want to feel close to another person.
Aging creates new opportunities for us to redefine what sexuality and intimacy means to us. Sexuality is often affected by one’s emotional and physical state. How you physically feel may affect what you are able to do and how you emotionally feel may affect what you want to do. You may find that you enjoy sex more because there are fewer distractions, more time and privacy. Pregnancy certainly is not a concern.
Physical Changes
We experience physical changes such as body shape, may experience weight gain, muscle tone can decrease, and our skin is not as taught as it was when we were younger. Get over it! Your partner is not judging you. He’s undergone the same changes! Men are just happy to look at a naked woman.
Two common changes that older adults experience are related to the sex organs. The vagina can shorten and narrow, and the vaginal walls can become thinner and stiffer. For most, there will be less vaginal lubrication, and it may take more time for the vagina to naturally lubricate itself. These changes could make certain types of sexual activity, such as vaginal penetration, painful or less desirable.
With age, impotence (also called erectile dysfunction, or ED) also becomes more common. ED is the loss of ability to have and keep an erection, and the erection may not be as firm or as large as it used to be. ED is not a problem if it happens every now and then, but if it occurs often, talk with your doctor.
Other challenges that can affect our sexual life include; menopause, joint replacements, chronic pain, medications, dementia, drinking too much alcohol, incontinence, and depression to name a few.
Talk openly with your partner about any challenges you are having during sex. Honesty will help you overcome these trials.
Regular Sex But Not Necessarily Intercourse
- Older adults who have sex at least twice a month report greater happiness than those who abstain from partner sex, according to a study.
- Women in the study did not consider intercourse to be a major contributor to sexual satisfaction. Men missed intercourse more than women.
- Intercourse is often not as central to sex for older adults, but sex remains important late in life. There are many other ways to enjoy sex.
Women’s main pleasure organ is not the vagina, but the clitoris, which sits outside the vagina, an inch or two above it beneath the top junction of the vaginal lips.
Couples masturbation can be satisfying for couples who have chronic pain and joint problems such as knee/hip replacements.
Solo? What Can You Do?
Buy toys! Masturbation using toys can help. Remember that having an organism is essential for optimal health.
Solo sex is usually rated as being less satisfying than sex with a partner. However, there are many reasons why masturbation may be beneficial:
- understanding your own body
- boosted self-esteem and body image
- increased sexual satisfaction
- treatment for sexual dysfunction
Around 20 percent of Americans, especially older adults experience aches, pains, and disabilities that make partner sex difficult and sometimes impossible. For them, self-sexing alone or in each other’s company is not “second best.” It’s their best way to remain sexual under difficult and often challenging circumstances.
Remember that sex isn’t just having intercourse. Sex embraces the intimacy of touch, caressing, “pillow talk” and physical contact of another person.
Why Is Sex So Important?
Remember those “feel good” hormones that are released during sex? Nature didn’t intend for women to be sexually active after menopause. That’s a commonly said and stupid statement. Eve lived to be over 800 years old and she had children well up into the high 100s of years.
Women have to work at it and be creative. Another stupid statement. To do so, women need to explore the emotional, physical, and medical factors that may sabotage sexual response and take advantage of a wide variety of therapies to address them.
The brain is a woman’s most important sex organ, we can’t deny the role our bodies play, especially as we get older. Satisfying sex depends on several things: presence of desire, arousal, absence of pain, and an ability to reach orgasm.
We are told, after menopause libido declines and changes in our bodies can make it difficult to get aroused. It’s painful to have intercourse and impossible to climax. It’s little wonder that many women become dissatisfied with sex, and some avoid intimacy entirely.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t other solutions for women. Finding them entails exploring the reasons you might have lost interest in sex and designing a plan to address them. Among the most common contributors to lost libido are:
Declining hormone levels. In women, both estrogen and testosterone can contribute to libido. Estrogen is made by the ovaries and in body tissues; testosterone, by the ovaries and adrenal glands. While estrogen levels drop sharply during menopause, testosterone levels decline slowly and steadily with age.
Depression. Becoming increasingly common at midlife, depression notoriously dampens desire. Taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor like fluoxetine (Prozac) or paroxetine (Paxil) can be effective for depression. However, it can also reduce your sexual response. Switching to bupropion (Wellbutrin) helps some women, although it may not completely restore lost libido.
Medication. Drugs for high blood pressure can also affect desire. Since there are many options available, your physician can help you find one that keeps your blood pressure down without lowering your libido.
Physical illness. Undergoing treatment for cancer or another serious illness can diminish interest in sex.
Stress and anxiety. Job pressures, family responsibilities, lack of privacy, and worries about children or aging parents can render sex a low priority.
Relationship strains. If you feel yourself growing away or disconnected from your partner, you aren’t as likely to be interested in sex with him or her.
Let’s put some of these erroneous statements to bed! (Pun intended!)
Sex has many physical and mental health benefits. Some of them are:
- Reduces stress
- Improves sleep
- Boosts the immune system
- Lowers the risk of heart disease
- Strengthens the pelvic floor muscles
- Increases intimacy and closeness
- Increases self-esteem
- Relieves headache
- Improves bladder control and reduces incontinence
- Helps produce more vaginal lubrication
- Increased satisfaction with your mental health
- Increased levels of trust, intimacy, and love in your relationships
- Improved ability to perceive, identify, and express emotions
Proof Of Longevity
You’ve heard of the Blue Zones around the world where people live to be 100 and beyond.
These zones are located:
- Okinawa, Japan
- Sardinia, Italy
- Nicoya, Costa Rica
- Icaria, Greece
- Loma Linda, California, United States
A blue zone is an area where people tend to out live most of the world’s populations. The lifestyles in these areas contribute to their longevity.
Blue Zones are areas of the world in which people live exceptionally long lives. Studies have found that genetics only play a 20–30% role in longevity.
People in Blue Zones typically eat a 95% plant-based diet that’s rich in legumes, whole grains, vegetables and nuts, all of which can help reduce the risk of death. Caloric restriction and refraining from eating at night are common in Blue Zones. Both these practices can significantly reduce risk factors for certain diseases and prolong healthy life.
Moderate physical exercise that is built into daily life, such as walking and climbing stairs, may help prolong life.
People in Blue Zones get sufficient sleep. Seven hours of sleep at night and naps of no more than 30 minutes during the day may help reduce the risk of heart disease and death.
Other common characteristics include:
- Having a lifestyle with little stress
- Having a spiritual practice
- Living in harmony with nature
- Living in communities with people from all ages
- Having a good support system within families and communities
Factors other than diet and exercise play an important role in longevity. Religion, life purpose, family and social networks can also influence how long you live.
Tips to a Healthy and Long Life
- Remember, what you think is what you become! Think “I’m sick” and you will be sick. Think I’m healthy and you will be healthy.
- Pay attention to your self talk. Be kind to yourself and show yourself compassion when you make a mistake. Give yourself at least 10 positive confirmations a day.
- Stay involved and keep learning. By using the brain to learn new things, we are strengthen the brain pathways.
- Eat a clean diet. Eliminate processed and high glucose foods. Don’t overeat and practice intermit fasting.
- Keep moving! Movement is exercise and it keeps the body strong and toned.
- Have sex and enjoy your body just as it is.
Conclusion
For centuries women have been told that sex is “necessary” and when you get older, you don’t have to do it anymore. Not true! Why would you not want to have sex? It’s fun, it keeps you healthy and it promotes intimacy between you and your partner!
I’m amazed that women during this time and age still fall for that nonsense.
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